My best friend got engaged recently. I’m crazy happy for them. I mean, look at this picture! Is this not the cutest thing you’ve ever seen?! If this isn’t true love I don’t know what is.
Because they have a long distance relationship, she spends weekends with him and I see her most weekdays. I feel like it’s a pretty good custody arrangement we have 😉 So I knew when she got engaged, people would ask me about it. I was ready to retell their love story, retell how he proposed and answer questions about when the big day was and where the wedding will take place. You know, details any best friend would know. There was one strange phenomenon that I was not expecting. See the follow conversation:
Friend: So Deb is engaged!
Me: Yes!! So exciting huh?
Friend:….*sad, pity eyes*…..how are you feeling about it?
Friend:…are you going to be ok?
Um, what?! I have had variations of this conversations more times than would like to admit. I always figured concerned older family members might have a conversation like this should one of my younger siblings marry before me. It would not be fun but at least it would be something I would see coming. This has been strange.
Humans are funny. Why this conversation has seemed necessary to multiple people in my life is beyond me. I understand the genuine love and concern they have for me. But let me reassure any of you out there concerned for me, I am so very ok! I’m better than ok, I’m happy. My friendships, social agenda and entire life are not in upheaval over my best friend’s decision to live forever with her true love. I mean, she found someone who thinks she’s as awesome as I think she is! What more could a bestie ask for?!
I really appreciated the person that knew how to handle this situation with humor instead of pity:
Him: So Deborah’s engaged..
Him: *completely serious face*….do you think they’ll actually go through with it?
Me: WHAT?!!! Of course I do!!
Him: (to another friend) Hey Jessica! Alyssa doesn’t think Deborah’s going to go through with her wedding. Why would she say that about her best friend?!
I see a lot of blog posts and articles about what to say or not to say to someone about getting pregnant or sensitive things like that. I would like to throw this out into that pond and ask that we not treat the single friend like she’s the kid who didn’t get invited to the birthday party with the rest of the class when her best friend gets engaged. And while I’m at it, let’s throw out comments like “Don’t worry! It will happen to you soon!!” and “You’re next!!” Thanks? I wasn’t that worried about it…but apparently you are.
You know what? I’m happy with my life, where it is now and where I know it’s going. So please don’t think that I have any reason to be unhappy, especially in regard to my best friend’s happiness. I would hope that I would never be that selfish to be unhappy for her happiness. Sure, I have moments of loneliness and tiny pity parties. I would think everyone does. But I work really hard to not let those moments last very long or to define me.
So please. Enough with the pity eyes. But if you have questions about the wedding, fire away 🙂